Meditation for April 22nd
Expired Contracts
*reminder: this was written in 2016.
For as long as Satan has been on this side of heaven, He has been making deals in exchange for souls. A person can be talented, skilled, and marketable, but without the help of the Fallen One’s contract, that person won’t see fame. Some of us never have to worry about meeting the devil at the crossroads because we are so unremarkable that we can’t even imagine getting that slight boost from a celestial troublemaker. The devil can’t do miracles for subpar humans after all.
2016 was a contract year. This was when many big-time contracts came up for review. David Bowie, Lemmy, and Prince did not get contract extensions. They lost in arbitrations. Their souls are forever burning in eternal damnation. Some artists got to keep their contracts for another few years. Ozzy got an extension, Pat Boone got an extension, and Jamiroquai got an extension.
What does the devil want from these souls? Well, to truly understand what the devil wants, we must first understand souls. Souls are located under the spleen. It is a gaseous form that embodies all of God’s intent for humans to be His children. Think of it as our source code. The soul is the third eye and holds knowledge that has been collected in all the lives that the soul has lived.
At one time, the soul and the brain got along. Still, the first deal that humans made with the devil was to come out of the trees and live as Gods in cities and with governments and religions, so Satan divided up the brain and the soul to allow us to be human instead of blessed animals. We will never know the knowledge we had as galactic beings. We became mortal and petty.
One of the downfalls of being kicked out of heaven is that you lose immortality. When one is so resentful of their father, like Satan is, one must have immortality to be able to hate for the true amount of time it takes to hate someone. Every soul feeds Satan, and he lives a little longer.
He can’t have any soul; he must have the most creative and intelligent of souls that are both light and dark at the same time. A soul has to be complex. Most souls are worthless and have just become dormant gas that most people pass a little at a time. Don’t worry about your soul; you are not complex enough. You are boring, unexciting, and easily forgotten.
In one year, Satan has taken David Bowie, Merle Haggard, Patty Duke, Garry Shandling, Phife Dawg, Keith Emerson, Sir George Martin, Umberto Eco, Harper Lee, George Gaynes, Denise Matthews, Dan Hicks, Maurice White, Paul Kantner, Signe Tole Anderson, Jimmy Bain, Dale Griffin, Clarence ‘Blowfly’ Reid, Dan Haggerty, Pierre Boulez, Prince, Alan Rickman, Doris Roberts, Lemmy Kilmister and even Glenn Frey. Who knows who is next? Well, I just found out that Richard Lyons of Negativeland died seconds after posting this blog! It is now only April. The one thing that makes this crop of souls interesting is how powerful the souls all make Satan. Is the end of time nigh? Is he rousing the armies of darkness to take on God?
Prayer
God,
You have taken so many great ones away.
The world has become less interesting.
You killed some great people,
But Carrot Top is still alive,
The rapper Snow is still alive,
The Koch brothers are still alive,
Donald Trump is still alive,
Jared Fogle is in prison, but still alive,
Mike Meyers is still alive and thankfully not making any movies,
Queen Elizabeth is still fucking alive!
Marie Osmond is still alive and even being talked about,
The director M. Night Shyamalan still hasn’t been murdered and is probably making another fucking horrible movie, and it will advertise it as, “From the director of the Sixth Sense…” Please take him. His movies hurt people.
The guy who did the thong song is still alive.
Abe Vigoda is still alive…wait, what? So the joke that he is still alive isn’t funny anymore because now he is, in fact, dead? You are a cruel God.
Stevie Nicks is still alive and probably sleeping with some mediocre singer-songwriter.
Tom Petty is still alive. Is Tom Petty still alive? Tom Petty seems a little suspicious of being the guy who keeps taking others’ souls and using them to keep his very lucky career going. Do you ever stop and think, is Tom Petty even that good? The answer will surprise you. It’s because he is an eater of souls.
Amen.
Craft
Famous people die, and the fans mourn. Here is why it is good for you. This helps many people get help. Crying about the death of a celebrity can open you up to help deal with feelings that are suppressed. Some people have a harder time with celebrity deaths than with real people. We get so attached to these people and what they mean to us. We live in their songs and their movies and their books. We know them so personally that if we meet them, we feel like we are already family.
They didn’t know you even existed.
Goal
Get ready for the end of times. You are either getting raptured or stomped to shit by a demon lich. Good luck, boring human.