On January 11th, 2016, I started a daily practice of writing a joke meditation of the day called Cracked Pot Meditations. I was still recovering from the treatment of cancer, and I was having very challenging cognitive issues, so I chose just to put something simple and easy to write every day. Posting it to the blog allowed me to have some accountability. Some of those meditations were poorly written and unedited. I have gone back and begun editing these and adding an illustration, starting with the April 27th meditation. I hope you enjoy.
Meditation for July 2nd
Glossary of Terms – Part I
Here is a quick rundown of terms we use here at the David Everett Fisher Cracked Pot Meditations HQ, so you know what we’re talking about when we discuss meditation practices. Some of these are well-known terms, some are well-known but may be confusing due to their definition, and some may be unfamiliar to you.
Aura – When your body ejaculates celestial light, picking up the flavor or emotional well-being of the person walking in the body. Some people will absorb the aura of those around them.
Buddha – Trust fund kid who hangs out showing off the knowledge that their parents paid for at the private school they dropped out of.
Crystals – Earth’s vibration measuring sticks attuning to different frequencies of psychic awareness between the conscience and the subconscious.
Deja-Vu – Experiencing the experience of a past life, having experienced the same experience, or a moment realized subconsciously, psychically.
Discarnate – The body throwing up the soul into the atmosphere to dissipate or bother people.
Dowser – A person who can find water. Usually uses a stick—usually an idiot. I meant special. I meant a medium.
Ectoplasm – Pus
Esoteric – The knowledge of the ages. Usually, the unreadable language of time.
ESP – Super sensitive and extrasensory perceptive person who cries a lot for no reason at all.
God – A made-up word.
Guru – One who is crowned and master of your spiritual life. One who receives your soul as payment for finding happiness in life. Me.
Holistic – That the body, the mind, and the soul are one. Treat the soul, and the body and mind will follow. Smoke weed. 4:20.
Homeopathy – Treating a sickness with a sickness. Treating HIV with the common cold. Methadone for heroin addiction.
Karma – Your psychic debt. A hot topic because, as of right now, psychic banks have been selling packages of bad karma with good karma to people when the people who owe the karma are going to be unable to repay the karma because they borrowed it without any means to pay it back. The karma economy has taken a nosedive, and governments and holy people are scrambling to prop up the psychic banks because they thought the banks were too big to fail. Now we wait for the interest rates of karma to be cut back down to their previous levels.
Mandala – A design that is usually found at spiritual hot spots, such as grocery store checkouts, that one colors because they have tapped all they can mentally, so they must color to get by the rest of the wretched time left on earth.
Mantra – A word repeated over and over again, causing one to go into a trance-like state and forget anything of substance. Usually one word. One syllable. It’s a word, not a movie, book, or person. No! Look at my hands! Look at my hands, Jack! Does it look like I’m shopping, Jack?!? Jack, you are the worst charade partner ever! It was Ohm! Ohm! Not digging flowers out of the White House, Jack.
Medium – One with the touch. Usually, a person who cannot absorb knowledge from this plane is fragile to the very fabric of reality in terms of space and time; therefore, information that isn’t readily known in our time and place is known to them. Usually really slow at shopping at co-ops.
Nirvana – A place of enlightenment. Usually caused by the perfect mixture of drugs, but can be attained by meditation. Still, medicines are much quicker, and the meditation path is long, complex, and usually isn’t that comfortable. The drug nirvana might be expensive, but you can remain cool and social, while an actual meditation practice requires years of isolation and study. Do the drugs. 4:20.
Numerology – The use of numbers to find answers in the future or present situations. Just like
this is what you will have for pizza next week.
Occultism – Study this and you will find the Nazi gold!
Ohm – The sound Brahma makes when She snores.
Ouija Board – A game that you play with your dead grandma. Usually, she instructs you to murder your entire family. Hilarity ensues.
Paranormal – The senses above and around our abilities. Usually called science or religion, depending on whether you’re left or right-handed (or brained).
Pentagram – A marking that usually means something is metal. Confused with satanism and devil worship, but it just means stoned. Shit. 4:20…
Precognition – The ability to see huge future events in details and then tell everyone which then spooks the shit out of them and then they react to this possible catastrophic future event getting ready for it. The chances of it happening are one in 400,000,000,000,000,432.798.
Reincarnation – Your soul has to achieve perfection. Your soul has to keep trying again and again and again and again and again…until it does it right. You are probably not doing life perfectly. To illustrate, take a video game. You have a set number of lives. You get to achieve more lives by doing something pretty swell during your life, but if you mess up, Death takes you. You start over, and this is where it gets different from video games, not at the beginning of the level you started at, but at a whole new level where nothing is recognizable. You have no memory of your previous life, so no experience from that life will help you in this new one. You can read history and try not to repeat the mistakes they made, but reading history can be boring.
Retrocognition – Being really into history – as long as a fucking ghost is telling you about it.
Séance – Using a medium, a group of people gather together and attempt to contact a deceased spirit with life force, asking it questions. The dead are notorious practical jokers, so be careful of the answers. Once, a man named Joseph Smith tried a seance and fell for whatever Dungeons and Dragons replaced Tarot Cards: the Day Saints, also known as Mormons.
Shaman – A very crazy person that you listen to, and in the insane ramblings, you hear some sense, and you take it like you heard it from a wise person.
Synergy – Marketing term to make you buy a product. Either you think it’s science or woo-woo.
Taoism – The philosophy of being dumb.
Tarot Cards – A series of cards that represent the universe’s symbols to help a mortal understand the mysteries. Like poker, but instead of gambling money, you are gambling souls. Tarot Cards were replaced by Dungeons and Dragons in the late seventies as a gateway ritual for devil worshippers.
Telekinesis – Moving shit with just your mind.
Telepathy – Talking shit with someone using your mind. Like the words are never spoken out loud, but you can hear them in your mind. It’s like your mouth is throwing your voice, but no one not gifted with telepathy can listen to it, and the voice sinks into the brain of one who is blessed with telepathy and that person hears the shit you said but no one else does.
Third Eye – The subconscious ability to see. Usually closed or “blind”. Doo doo doo, doo doo-doo doo…I’m packed and I’m holding, I’m smiling, she’s living, she’s golden. She says she lives for me, and I believe her. Ovation, her motivation. She comes round and she goes down on me. And I make her smile, like a drug for you. Do whatever you wanna do, coming over to you. Keep on smiling, what we go through. One stop to the rhythm that divides you. And I speak to you like the chorus to the verse. Chop another line like a coda with a curse. Come on, like a freak show takes the stage. We give them the games we play, she said…
I want something else, to get me through this Semi-charmed kinda life, baby, baby I want something else, I’m not listening when you say goodbye Doo doo doo, doo doo-doo doo…The sky was gold, it was rose, I was taking sips of it through my nose. And I wish I could get back there, someplace back there. Smiling in the pictures you would take. Doing crystal meth, will lift you until you breakIt won’t stop, I won’t come down. I keep stock with the tick-tock rhythm, I bump for the drop. And then I took the hit that I was given. Then I bumped again, then I bumped again, I said…How do I get back there, to the place where I fell asleep inside you? How do I get myself back to the place where you said…I want something else to get me through this. Semi-charmed kinda life, baby, baby. I want something else, I’m not listening when you say goodbye. I believe in the sand beneath my toes. The beach evokes a sense of earthiness. I believe in the faith that grows. And the four right chords can make me cry. When I’m with you, I feel like I could die. And that would be alright, alright. And when the plane came in, she said she was crashing. The velvet rips in the city, we tripped on the urge to feel alive. Now I’m struggling to survive, those days when you wore that velvet dress. You’re the priestess, I must confess. Those little red panties pass the test. Slide up around the belly, face down on the mattress. One. And you hold me, and we’re broken. Still, it’s all that I wanna do, just a little now. Feel myself heading off the ground. I’m scared, I’m not coming down. No, no. And I won’t run for my life. She’s got her jaws now, locked down in a smile. But nothing is alright, alright. And I want something else, to get me through this life. Baby, I want something else. Not listening when you say…Good-bye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. Doo doo doo, doo doo-doo doo…The sky was gold, it was rose (Doo doo doo, doo doo-doo doo…)I was taking sips of it through my nose (Doo doo doo, doo doo-doo doo…) And I wish I could get back there (Doo doo doo, doo doo-doo doo…) Someplace back there, in the place we used to start (Doo doo doo, doo doo-doo doo…) I want something else (Doo doo doo, doo doo-doo doo…)
Warlock – A male witch. Big nose, pointy hat, wart on the big nose, laughs a lot about nothing. Just has a penis instead of not.
Yin and Yang – Meaning the universe is either black or white. Perhaps there is a hint of white in the black or black in the white, but it is a world of black and white. Either or. Spic or Span.
Yogi – A bear that steals picnic baskets and stretches to sitar music and incense.
Zodiac – The scientific star positions that are in 12 stages. The stars shine gifts and prophesies on the babies born during the stages, and therefore we can prophesy our futures by knowing when we are born on the zodiac. Some people think that it isn’t accurate or even a real science, but then, how come the Chinese have a zodiac too? Some say this is our way of acknowledging that time has already begun and will end, that what will happen has already happened. While we experience time somewhat linearly, heading in one direction, we gain insight into what is already predetermined. If your life sucks, it was already decided that you would have a sucky life.