On January 11, 2016, I began a daily practice of writing a joke meditation of the day, called Cracked Pot Meditations. I was still recovering from the treatment of cancer, and I was having very challenging cognitive issues, so I chose just to put something simple and easy to write every day. Posting it to the blog allowed me to hold myself accountable. Some of those meditations were poorly written and unedited. I have gone back and begun editing these and adding an illustration, starting with the April 27th meditation. I hope you enjoy.
Meditation for July 10th
Hillary Diane Rodham “Lucky Knuckles” Clinton
Born October 26th, 1947
Sign: Scorpio
Element: Water
Color: Red, Rust, and Scarlet Fever
Ruler: Pluto (Which sucks because she ain’t a planet anymore)
Scorpios are hot-tempered, tyrannical people who are always searching for truth. These land lobsters that can kill you with a stinging tail or pinch you with fucking pinchers, are always passionate and very assertive about their passions. They are stubborn, and once they get an idea in their head, they will not give up.
Once a land lobster loves you, you have a partner and sensual lover for life. A scorpio will never leave you no matter how big of a jackass you are. Scorpios love a good Crisco lard massage to the sounds of Thurl Ravenscroft.
A Scorpio cannot stand a slow, bumbling idiot, so you better be on your game when matching wits with one of these armored stingers. If you can at least keep up with a scorpion’s wit, you have a friend for life. If you let them down once, just once, you will get stung, motherfucker!
These fall babies love to horde money. They are willing to work for it, but they won’t spend it. They love to find ways to make lots of money. They are always scheming and devising entrepreneurial plans to make a profit.
The Scorpio loves her secrets and will keep them till the end of the earth. Scorpios are very protective of their lives and what the rest of the world can see and can’t see. They are hidden under armor protected by a stinger tail and pinchers, for God’s sake, you ask her about her secrets!
Scorpions need to be right no matter what. Even at the cost of their safety and their loved ones’ safety, a Scorpio will be right.
1947, the year of the Pig
Lucky numbers: 2, 5, 9/11/12, and 1/17/98
Lucky colors: yellow, gold, grey, and Gap blue
Lucky flowers: hydrangea, daisy, and gennifer
A pig will set her eyes on a goal; she will be a stubborn sow and do whatever it takes to see that goal through. Pigs won’t ask for help, but are happy to help others if the cameras are there. Pigs love to solve problems, if it’s other people’s problems.
Pigs love to wine and dine, but usually know when to slow down and not turn into a lush. They can also handle a lot of stress, especially when it involves technical issues, such as email.
Pigs want their office life to be their social life. They aren’t interested in picnics and neighbors standing around a BBQ; they want martini lunches and dinner parties where people in the industry gather and discuss their work.
Unfortunately, Pigs will never have an easy time with their job life. They used to do what they were supposed to do, but for some reason, they left that career and have tried ever since to fulfill a vague dream. However, it always feels like an uphill battle.
Pigs are usually forbidden from lending money to people.
Pigs tend to stress over the most minor things. It won’t be an invasion that will make a pig snap, it is pouring a bowl of cereal and then finding out there is no milk = suicide.