On January 11th, 2016, I started a daily practice of writing a joke meditation of the day called Cracked Pot Meditations. I was still recovering from the treatment of cancer, and I was having very challenging cognitive issues, so I chose just to put something simple and easy to write every day. Posting it to the blog allowed me to have some accountability. Some of those meditations were poorly written and unedited. I have gone back and begun editing these and adding an illustration, starting with the April 27th meditation. I hope you enjoy.
Meditation for July 4th
How To Act Like A Real Person Around Real People In Real Life
Sometimes we have to go out and be among people. This means that we will have to interact with and possibly even engage in conversations with people. Small talk can be challenging and often doesn’t lead to anything substantial, so why not strive for a meaningful discussion and genuine connection?
Here are some ways you can help yourself be a real person around real people in real life:
Act Like You’re Supposed To Be There
You are supposed to be at the party, in this city, at the job you’re at, with the people you’re with. You are exactly where you’re supposed to be. You don’t have to believe it, just act like it. The only way you can get someone’s attention is to act like a confident dick, so act like you were invited, even if you weren’t.
Pretend You Care
When someone tells some story, act like you give a shit. Please don’t interrupt, ignore, or act unimpressed; instead, act like you’re genuinely curious about them as a person. Someone at one time did this for you, so pay them back by pretending to give some fucks about some person who is boring and meaningless just like you were. Don’t one-up the person with your own story unless they ask. No one likes to be one-upped.
Go To Places
Don’t lock yourself in your house and watch TV. I know we are living in a world of peak TV and peak trash TV, but that is making you a boring idiot. Go out and see and hear things. Just saying you went to a show or a lecture last weekend makes you more interesting than most people. “You watched the entire new season of Orange Is The New Black, and you went to see Anu Partanan talk about the differences between American culture and Finnish culture, and how we can be a better society. Tell me more about your thoughts on Poussey Washington while making a Finnish vodka and soda?”
Seriously, the world is there to experience, and while it is nice to have a quiet night in every once in a while, we should get out there and see and experience things, sometimes with other people. We will be richer for it.
Look The Person In The Eyes Like You’re Gonna Murder Them Tonight
When you talk to someone or listen to them, you keep your eyes on theirs. Blink rarely and slowly nod. Maybe slightly part your lips and breathe through your mouth. Make your stare burrow into their soul. Don’t look all around to find a shiny object to distract yourself. No one likes talking to someone who looks uninterested. Look them right in the eye and listen to the words.
Get That Body In Shape
Just as we go out into the world, let’s try to experience movement. Many of us have jobs that require us to sit in chairs for long periods, staring at a glowing screen, so the last thing we should do is move seats and switch to a non-work device to doom scroll. Movement isn’t just good for the body, but it is excellent for the mind and emotions. A large, often underrated tool for emotional regulation is physical movement. We aren’t talking about becoming a gym rat or marathon runner; just a simple daily walk will do.
Make Your Own Friends And Let Your Partner Be Powerlessly Alone
Sometimes we make our partner our everything, and we start neglecting our friends and family. If our partner is out doing something, we stay home alone waiting for them. We need a community of our own. This is especially true if you moved somewhere with a partner. Please go out and find your own group of friends and have your own unique conversations, and let your partner fend for themselves. The odds are you and your partner are going to break up or get divorced anyway, so might as well have some friends that you can fuck later. (Haha, this really happened to me after I wrote this in 2016. Funny/not funny)
Do Interesting Things (Not That You Are Going To Try Interesting Things)
Do something fun, challenging, and above all, interesting. Yes, a hobby. Go hump up and down hills or create Persian battle scenes with miniatures and realistic landscape. Don’t just say, “Oh, I just hang out and shit, you know.”
Be A Better Person By Being Helpful
Interesting people volunteer and help other people. Seeming selfless will make you a lot more approachable and trustworthy. This also gives you a topic to go to if you want to talk about how good you are. Don’t fuck around with something easy or something you do every three or more months, but something hard and often. Help some people, champ! When you go to a social gathering, don’t think about how much it sucks, think about what you can add to make it better.
If You Want Friends, You Are Going To Lose Your Time
You’ll be spending time with people, and they’ll want your attention, so you’ll have to give up your precious Netflix and nap time to be with them. Don’t overdo your generosity where you are just a cranky piece of shit instead of a gracious person when you hang out, so be okay with saying no, but you will ned to understand balance; just because you don’t want to isn’t a good enough reason to say no.
Be Ready To Be Let Down
People are not going to match your hard work in creating meaningful relationships because people are selfish assholes. Additionally, people tend to reciprocate when someone is giving, so you might find your friendships one-sided a lot of the time. However, be patient; you never know when people might show up for you. Sometimes the person who is terrible at more casual hangouts will show up like a champ, while those who are deep and always want to be in authentic conversations will disappear when things get hard.