On January 11th, 2016, I started a daily practice of writing a joke meditation of the day called Cracked Pot Meditations. I was still recovering from the treatment of cancer, and I was having very challenging cognitive issues, so I chose just to put something simple and easy to write every day. Posting it to the blog allowed me to have some accountability. Some of those meditations were poorly written and unedited. I have gone back and begun editing these and adding an illustration, starting with the April 27th meditation. I hope you enjoy.
Meditation for August 19th
Spiritual Warriors
Some mercenaries fight for coin. Some adventurers are just in it for the treasure and a good fight. Then there are the spiritual warriors who kill in the name of god/s/ess/es. They have permission from the divine to smite the wicked. They travel this earth trying to fade from the material plane and become a spiritual being.
What kind of spiritual warrior are you?
Gladiator
You are a slave, but fight to the death for your master. Your only joy is winning in the eyes of the one who keeps you in a cage. This is a vow of bondage. You don’t ever touch or be with the master, but the master watches all you do. You can’t just win fights; you have to win battles with pizazz.
These are individuals trying to break into a specific cultural scene, like hardcore. Most Christians are Gladiators.
Viking
You are from a cold place and love boats. You love to come into a fine island community that has a bourgeoning culture and destroy it.
This is similar to many people who have moved to a hip city over the last 20 years.
Musketeer
A fighter who loves to win with precise skills and looks good. Dress in lace and a foppish hat, with daggers up the sleeve, guns in pockets, and a laced handkerchief with your initials on it.
Have you seen anyone show up to a party overdressed? Yeah, not many musketeers around. Let’s bring back lace and foppish hats!
Spartan
A Spartan is a warrior class that thinks of nothing but warfare.
Spartans are now gym rats who think of nothing but working out, looking swoll, and having sex with other Spartans.
Knight
These guys sat along the roads that led to Jerusalem, helping pilgrims trying to populate the holy land. They took treasure, came back home, and started a secret society that still pulls the strings on world affairs to this day.
Knights are those guys who are now 50-plus that still dress like they’re twenty-something, still going to rock and roll shows, and drinking themselves stupid and gatekeeping their way of life.
Ming Warriors
They were the first warriors to incorporate gunpowder into their medieval fighting practices. They were also encouraged to be self-sustaining by growing their food and making their clothes.
These are the vegan soldiers of today with their backyard chickens as pets and telling people how to eat.
Mongol Horsemen
These warriors swept across the plains and created havoc wherever they went. The Middle East is still reeling from its destruction. They were able to shoot arrows proficiently while riding their horse at full speed.
These are the people who moved to a hip city more than 20 years ago and claim they are actually from there, and complain about the people moving there now.
Persian Immortal
These were the 10,000 strong that felt like you could never see the end of, as they marched towards their enemy. They had no names and could never die. They all looked the same.
This is metal fans.
Rajput Warriors
These were the warriors who fought all the invaders of India. They were born and bred to be fighters. Every breath they took was a breath of a knight.
These are the townies from hip city who stayed.
Roman Centurion
The first pay by the state to fight warriors, these warriors helped shape the Roman Empire from Persia to Britain. Neatly dressed and very institutionalized.
They are now the centurions of coffee and food. Also called baristas and cooks.
Zanda Warriors
These African warriors would tattoo their faces, sharpen their teeth to points, and eat their enemies on the battlefield. They are significantly feared and very misunderstood.
These warriors are the people who live outside the liberal cities that the city folk are scared of.
Aztec Warriors
These ancient warriors would first come and get your land in tribute to their king, then they would go and take captives in tribute to their gods, and then, if a new king was crowned, he had to stage a military campaign to show his worth.
This is the political contrarian. Even if the two of you almost agree, they will sound like you are entirely wrong over the semantics of one word. Rather be right than happy.
Maori Warrior
These giant fighters from New Zealand are covered in tattoos and use clubs. They also dance right before they go to war.
These are people who dress up and go dancing to 80s music every weekend because if it isn’t familiar, it isn’t fun.
Samurai
These were Japanese warriors who were bound by a warrior code. They would perform ritual suicide if they ever dishonored themselves or their master.
Goths.
Ninja
No such thing.
Gurkas
Nepalese soldiers are known for being crazy and reckless, but they love a good fight. They have been known to join a battle without being asked.
These are trolls. They claim to fight for freedom of speech and liberty, but in reality, they want the ‘right’ to offend people with no consequences.