On January 11th, 2016, I started a daily practice of writing a joke meditation of the day called Cracked Pot Meditations. I was still recovering from the treatment of cancer, and I was having very challenging cognitive issues, so I chose just to put something simple and easy to write every day. Posting it to the blog allowed me to have some accountability. Some of those meditations were poorly written and unedited. I have gone back and begun editing these and adding an illustration, starting with the April 27th meditation. I hope you enjoy.
Meditation for June 15th
Using The Hard Science of Numerology to Find Out What To Do With Your Life
In the school of math lies the magic of numerology. Numbers represent us and our relations with our Creator. Numbers permeate every aspect of nature. Some say that math is the language of the Universe; therefore, it is the divine language.
How do you use this divine science to help you figure out your true purpose? Well, I have studied under the best numerologists I could find and have broken down the answer to a quick and easy equation.
Take your birthday. Add all the numbers up till you get a single-digit number. We’ll use mine as an example:
10/03/1976
1+0+0+3+1+9+7+6=27
2+7=9
9 is my life number.
Now match your life number to the quick guide I have created below to find your life’s purpose. Remember, this is science, so don’t be skeptical; it does use math.
I also include a scenario where all the numbers go out on a pub crawl.
1.
One is the leader. This is the person who will tell you what to do. You won’t believe they know what they are talking about, but they are powerful over all other numbers. This is the person who takes the lead and credit for all projects.
On the pub crawl, the number one life number directs when the group does shots and when it is time to move on to the next bar. They will also not let anyone go home until the number one officially ends the night.
They are dominating, egotistical, willful, and boastful and just an all around asshole.
Possible life purposes: Politics, CEO, Car Salesman, Phone Sales for a Brokerage Firm, Blogger, Life Coach, Sports Coach, Corporate Law
2.
Two is the person who wants to control the details and the people. They will do anything to keep the whole situation under control. Things will be labeled. They will use lots of Post-it notes. If it becomes time to handle a confrontation, the number two will become a diplomat and not take any sides, no matter how wrong one of the sides may be.
The number two will be the one on a pub crawl, picking off another person, hanging back, taking this person hostage, and having a great ‘one-on-one’ talk that includes just the number two listing all the things the rest of the party is doing wrong with their lives.
The number two hates themselves so much that they spend a lot of time trying to absorb someone else’s life dramas and giving unsolicited advice.
Two are great counselors, caregivers, nurses, hospice nurses, family law, psychiatrists, drug and alcohol counselors, receptionists, and funeral home directors.
3.
These scattered brains talk about doing all these great projects, but leave them undone or unfinished. They talk about creativity more than they partake in it. They have the gift of gab. They have no idea what to do and never have any sense of direction.
Three just spent the pub crawl discussing great ideas they will never do. They keep telling the group’s leader to remember extravagant plans for future hangouts.
Great career paths for number threes are Gallery Collector, Reluctant Salesperson, Writer, Any Service Job with a promise that they are doing something tangible on the side, Bartender, and talking about the great things they used to do, Hair and Makeup, and anything in the fashion world.
4.
Four is the law and order person of the numbers. Number Fours spend more time trying to find the perfect system for what they have to do than doing the job they have to do. They discuss the problems repeatedly, hoping that a solution will appear in the discussion. Unfortunately, Number Four has no imagination and has to rely on someone else to find solutions. They cannot function without clear rules and order.
Four is your naysayer on your night out. The Number Four will warn everyone that whatever you do isn’t a good idea. They will ask the group’s Number One if what some others are doing is a “good idea.”
Number Fours make great CEOs, Business Owners, Urban Planners, Lawyers, Medical Professionals, Diplomats, Uber Local Politicians, Technical Field, and Engineers.
5.
Fives are the excitable numbers on the list. They are loud and obnoxious; even if everyone agrees, Number Five will do whatever they please. They are never content with what’s going on; they need to happen; they must deal with life. They will make up drama to have a fucked night and to bring excitement to everyone else. It’s like they are being dramatic for entertainment purposes.
Fives will be the ones who wander off and come running back to let you know they found a burning car or a dead body (or both). They will naysay everything anyone else wants to do because they think something else would be fun but dangerous or irresponsible. Four will have a tough time with a five.
Number Five makes great cruise activity directors, advertising assistant managers, TV personas, news bloggers, social media marketing managers, event planners, and stay-at-home parents.
6.
Sixes are also loud. Sixes are trying to run the show by helping others, even if it is self-righteous and judgmental. Sixes tend to talk a lot and love being heard. They will even recount what they have said the next day to someone else as a highlight. Sixes love to be in the middle of whatever is happening. Sixes love to be the center of attention.
The six is usually the person that the Number Two will take hostage on the pub crawl, but they will soon enough figure out that they are the hostage while they listen to the Number Six turn whatever drama that is Number Two’s into their own. They go from how they relate to their own story of struggles. The Number Six will only follow the group’s movement and pay attention to anything anyone has said or suggested.
Number Six makes great Alternative Therapists, Teachers, Art Teachers, Caregivers, Customer Service Rep., Health Trainers, Life Coaches, Acupuncturists, Massage Therapists, and any radical therapeutic trade.
7.
This is the analytical and detail-oriented side of the number group. Number Sevens will be quiet and shy, but they tend to be inflexible in their beliefs and opinions when they talk. They have analyzed the problem when they spoke about it and scoured for a solution, but anything other than what they have found is entirely wrong and should be thrown away immediately.
The Number Seven will spend the evening arguing with everyone and rolling their eyes a lot. Sarcasm is the name of the joke game—sevens like to bait sixes and twos into arguments.
An excellent path for Number Sevens is IT, Philosopher, Scientist, Mathematician, Investigator, Cop, Congressperson, Comedian, Pro Gamer, YouTube Critic, Tech or Health Consultant, or Hardware Store Sales.
8.
Eights are the ones that need work to define who they are. They are constantly working on what you knew was available in a week. They work on weekends and on holidays. They are always saying, “fuck.” when they look at their phone. They will be late and leave early, so that everything won’t work. You might not see this person for months.
If Number Eight actually comes out on the pub crawl, they will talk about how to get up early the next day and probably go home during the first bar when the talk of moving on begins. This is if they show up and then complain when they stop being invited to stuff.
Eights are great Executives, Surgeons, Business Owners, Politicians, Wealth Managers, Stock Brokers, Bankers, Accountants, Real Estate or Property Managers, and even cops or military officers.
9.
This is the creative that wants people to talk about how great their work is. They don’t want money or power; they want the love of everyone. EVERYONE! Number nines will take creative jobs that put them in the spotlight. They won’t be okay with thankless work.
Nine is the person on the party bus who will be doing stupid shit and yelling, “Look at me guys!” No one will know a nine because the Number Nine will not learn who they are and rely on stupid antics to keep everyone at bay. They want people to be impressed with them and only feel good if they are treated special.
Number Nines make great Writers, Artists, Actors, HR, Therapists, Psychologists, Activists, Graphic Designers, or Psychics.