On January 11th, 2016, I started a daily practice of writing a joke meditation of the day called Cracked Pot Meditations. I was still recovering from the treatment of cancer, and I was having very challenging cognitive issues, so I chose just to put something simple and easy to write every day. Posting it to the blog allowed me to have some accountability. Some of those meditations were poorly written and unedited. I have gone back and begun editing these and adding an illustration, starting with the April 27th meditation. I hope you enjoy.
Meditation for May 8th
Yes, She Really is a Lesbian
Some lesbians look like lesbians and others don’t. Some lesbians are very masculine, and others lesbians are very feminine. Some lesbians have been with men before, and others have never been with any men. Some lesbians are loud and proud feminists, and others don’t strongly voice their opinions. Some lesbians are even republicans. Some lesbians will even date a man now and then.
The one thing that all lesbians have in common is that they are lesbians.
A lesbian isn’t made by a bad sexual experience. A bad sexual experience could have been a process for someone to find herself, but like I said, a lesbian is a lesbian. A lesbian doesn’t choose to become a lesbian to take down the patriarchal society. Still, it could have been a catalyst for finding oneself by being disgusted by an oppressive society.
A lesbian didn’t become a lesbian because in the time they did date men, they never met the “right dick”. There is no such thing as the “right dick”. If you love someone with a dick, then you might find yourself loving that particular dick, but a lesbian became a lesbian because they are a lesbian not because they were unaware that there is a perfect dick out there. There isn’t.
Lesbians aren’t made by two women in sexy lingerie hanging out in bed together, and since neither of them has a man available at that very moment. They become horny and decide to compare each others boobs. “No, you have the perfect boobs, mine are too big!” Then they start making out, eating each other out, and finishing up with a nice scissors session. Then they buy a Subaru, move in together, get a golden retriever and a bunch of pillows for their bed, and begin nesting. The first half is how lesbian porn for straight guys start and the second half is me stereotyping lesbian couples.
No, you are not a lesbian in a man’s body. Unless you are, then you should talk to a therapist about getting gender reassignment surgery.
A lesbian doesn’t want to be a man. There isn’t a “man” role and a “woman’s” role in a lesbian relationship. If there is, it’s none of our business. The butch lesbian isn’t pretending to be a man. This is just who a butch lesbian is. There is no reason other than perhaps a long history of oppression and keeping their true identity in the shadows for thousands of years, but I am guessing, which isn’t smart.
A lesbian can be a good parent. A lesbian couple can be good parents. Lesbians can and do want children. There is no need for a man to be involved. It isn’t a scourge on God’s nature for two lesbians to raise and nurture children. It’s also okay for a lesbian to not have or want kids. It’s OK for a couple to enjoy things other than kids to define their relationship. A relationship is for the people involved to represent themselves, and it doesn’t have to exist on TV, in ancient mythological books, or in what you think as an amateur psychologist.
Prayer
Lesbos,
I pray to you as a man.
I see two mothers instead of one.
Myth and legend always depict the mother as this all-powerful feminine force that controls and nurtures nature.
Why not have two mothers?
That’s double the mother’s own.
That’s twice the Goddesses.
That’s less war and rational thought on emotional creatures.
That’s less making a person a number and more of a child of God.
Maybe if we got rid of the male God,
We would live in peace and harmony.
There would be less reliance on power and wealth.
There would be less flexing of phallic powers.
We would be held and loved twice the amount we are now, which isn’t enough.
So, Lesbos, kill Yahweh,
And become Mother Nature’s wife.
Only if you want and are single.
Now I realize I’m doing that straight person thing where I assume you’re a lesbian and Mother Nature is a lesbian you guys should date since I keep assuming just being a lesbian is the only prerequisite for two lesbians to date when it is just as complicated if not more complex as straight people trying to date.
Sorry.
She is hot, though.
Amen.
Craft
Making a pillow
You will need:
Fabric
Pillow inserts
Brown paper
Square or yardstick
Tape measure
Pencil or the blood of a virgin
Thread
Needle
Scissors
Straight pins
Sewing machine
First: measure pillow insert. Measure both height and width.
Second: Create the pattern. Adding two inches to the height and width, draw the outline on brown paper using a pencil or the blood of a virgin. Cut out the pattern.
Third: Choose pattern placement. You can cut out the fabric by putting brown paper on it.
Fourth: Do the same for the lower back.
Fifth: Pin the back and front together with pins.
Sixth: Sew the front and back together. Allow for a one-inch seam allowance and leave a five-inch opening to insert the pillow on the bottom.
Seventh: Trim edges to ½ inch.
Eighth: Using an iron, press the material.
Ninth: Insert pillow.
Tenth: Sew close the opening.
You now have another pillow for your home. Fun!
Goal
I don’t know anything, I’m a cis-male, but I do know that I should let people be who they are or who they think they are. It’s not up to me to decide what is real or not for another person.
Love is love.