Spring rain. While I appreciate the sun we’ve had the last few days and the fact that I got to wear shorts, I love April showers. I love sitting on my stoop in a short sleeve shirt and watching the rain come down. I love watching the cherry blossoms get knocked off the trees and I get a sense of melancholy.
The update that everyone has been waiting a week or so to read on this blog is I have been suffering insomnia badly. I can’t sleep. I fell asleep this morning at almost 6 am and woke up shortly before 8. While I can go weeks and months with little to no sleep, it is starting to effect me negatively. I’m cranky, snarky and bitter. The little things that people do are of great irritation to me. Mouth breathers, baby strollers, political rants of the FB, brown belts and black shoes, t-shirts tucked into jeans without a belt at all & other important human imperfections.
I wrote an article on band merchandise for Young & Fictitious. The best part of the article is Greg Bemis’s illustration for it. I also did a podcast, so hopefully that will go up soon. Things are starting to move on all my writing projects.
I had a dream that I was buried in the sand up to my neck in the middle of a desert. I could feel the sun baking my head and burning blisters into my scalp. Something kept tickling my torso under the earth and shoots of pain shot up my spine. Then I felt nausea overcome me and I vomited thousands of beetles out of my mouth. I purged pile after pile of live beetles that were all varying sizes and shapes from the big scarabs the size of a fist to tiny ones that were smaller than a dime. Arab women in burkas would scurry over with giant baskets and harvest the beetles. I looked around I saw other heads sticking out of the sand and they too were vomiting beetles. I woke up to the sound of rain.
Baseball season is here and my softball season begins this weekend. It has been awhile since I’ve been to my church, Our Lady of the Diamond. My A’s started off a little lackluster, but the last two games went much better. I escape the bitter battles between the Giants and the Dodger fans, and I don’t have to worry about the Yankees this year.
I’ve gotten really into Evernote. It took awhile to figure out all it can do. I thought it was just a notebook app, so I was more into Springpad. But the more I use Evernote the more I figure out how much it can organize my life. I started saving my Dungeons & Dragon’s campaign notes in it, I’m writing my novel with it and saving my research I do for the story, I use it as my note taking app, and I clip recipes, receipts & business cards into it to keep things organized. I’m not even using it to its full potential yet. I’m having a nerd orgasm.
I opened up to some guys last night about some of the life things I’ve been struggling with. It seemed weird to spend all this time playing my cards so close to my vest when dealing with friendships to just say what’s really going on. I felt weird and anxious afterwards, like they overheard me rather than listen to me tell them. I don’t like seeming weak and uncertain how to solve my life’s problems, but I am willing to put my fears aside and try to develop some real relationships here.
North Korea? That be awesome. A real threat to the U.S. and really does have WMDs and I find it easier to hate Koreans than Muslims. I especially hate North Koreans after watching Olympus has Fallen, which if you have read my previous post, is Die Hard in the White House.
I just cleaned the ever-loving shit out of my room. Its amazing how fresh laundry and a clean room will help with mental health. I feel much more organized and less depressed. I was sort of letting my self go there a little bit.
I want to find good subjects to talk about on my podcast. I want to be funny and entertaining while is educational.
Some days I’m completely detached from my past and what I used to be like and those are the days that I seem a lot more comfortable and serene. Other days I feel like my past is my shadow just following me wherever I go and whisper sweet death into my ear.
So alone – and that’s okay.