On January 11th, 2016, I started a daily practice of writing a joke meditation of the day called Cracked Pot Meditations. I was still recovering from the treatment of cancer, and I was having very challenging cognitive issues, so I chose just to put something simple and easy to write every day. Posting it to the blog allowed me to have some accountability. Some of those meditations were poorly written and unedited. I have gone back and begun editing these and adding an illustration, starting with the April 27th meditation. I hope you enjoy.
Meditation for June 5th
8 Reasons You Shouldn’t Be In A Relationship
1. You Have No Idea Who You Are
How will you know who you want to date if you’ve wasted your life up to this point being what you thought others wanted you to be? People who know who they are know who they want to date.
The other issue is that some lost persons floating through life directionless and meaningless are unattractive. They seem to need the other person to fill in the blanks and create them.
You also need to know what you want. Most relationships are doomed from the beginning because people accept who likes them and don’t know who they actually want, what kind of relationship they want, and how that person could fit into their life.
Go to India, do DMT without supervision, find yourself, come back and tell everyone about your spiritual experience, and get married. BOOM!
2. You Spend Too Much Time Seeking Love
You’re on Tinder. Anytime your friends talk about other friends, you want to know if any of them are single and attractive. You are in a hurry to get married, make two kids, adopt two other kids from other parts of the world, buy a house, and start an apple butter craft business.
People smell desperate. Why is this person single? Why are they so desperate for a relationship? They must be broken or unavailable. The older you are, the more people wonder. I’m 48 and single, and I can explain why I’m single.
Do the things you love instead of doing everything for love. Duh!
But for the love of god, if you know anyone cute and weird, let me know!
3. Where Is Prince/Princess Charming?
That person doesn’t exist. No one will swoop in and save you from your miserable existence. You will have to clean up your life if you want to attract someone. No one wants to save someone if they are suffering from their deep-seated emotional issues.
There is no “the one.” The big wedding industry fabricates this lie to trick people into creating tens of thousands of dollars ‘ worth of fairytales for themselves.
Be careful for what you pray for. You might get exactly what you asked for.
Make an ideal list to create a realistic Prince/Princess Charming. Take résumés. Ask them for the last three relationships and why they didn’t work out. Look for the pattern.
Any relationship will work if both people are willing to grow.
4. You’re Not Willing To Change Your Shitty Attitude
You’re a great person—giving, caring, good-looking, and single—but you always have to be right. You keep saying you don’t care what people say about you, or that’s the way you are, but you are also alone and miserable, all to be right.
You don’t have to change your real self to find a partner; just remove the bad attitude.
I get it, no one gets you. You are just saying what’s on your mind, you are just stirring the pot, you are just saying it for the sake of argument, you are a self-proclaimed asshole, or you are a tortured poet.
Smoke weed and listen to some Dead, man. Chill out.
5. You Are Wanting A Fix
Maybe a certain someone to love and care for, watch movies and take late night strolls will help alleviate your crippling depression or some catastrophic event in your life. Maybe that certain person will help you forget the shitty things. When you wake up the next day, you are still you, full of fear and depression, and there is a person next to you that you have to figure out how to communicate with.
I know from my own experience that I feel emptiness when I wake up alone, but adding a person to my life won’t fill that emptiness.
No one can fix us.
Just drink booze instead; it’s a whole lot simpler.
6. Becoming a Mirror
You try to adjust everything you do to become your crush’s perfect mate. You are suddenly interested in what they are; you change your style and listen to different music to attract a certain person. You are creating yourself to become a giant lie. You’d do exactly what Bill Murray did in Groundhog Day, where he keeps learning Andie MacDowell’s likes and dislikes and becomes her ideal person.
If they don’t like you, it’s not you; it’s them, or it’s you and your shitty attitude trying to be right all the time. We have to learn to take rejection. We aren’t for everyone. If you start off as an illusion of what you think that other person wants, you will be a disappointment when it’s time to be your authentic self.
Be yourself; hopefully, you will attract someone as awesome as you. Water seeks its own level.
7. You’re a Goddamn Mess
Your life is out of control, you don’t have a job, there are kids, and the government is involved; your life story at this point is a legendary Jerry Springer show. You just can’t catch a break. Maybe you see a light at the end of the tunnel, but it is a fast, deadly train. Who would date you now? If they did want to date you, because genitalia will beat rational thought, why would you let them join your shit show? That is mean.
Get your shit together before taking a hostage into your life. It’s easier to fix your life single.
8. You Ignore Anyone’s Experience and/or Advice
Yes, you read this. Yes, you have all kinds of self-help books and peruse wellness blogs. Yes, you do yoga and meditate. Yes, you do ask people for advice or ask people about their experiences, but you don’t listen. You are a sex-starved mammal. Your logic betrays you in matters of love, so stop reading lists and how-to-find-love books. Some of the best relationships I know looked hilariously wrong on paper but are strong, loving relationships in real life.
Go out and make mistakes. If you learn and don’t repeat mistakes, you are a success.
Now go out there and mess someone’s life up!