Meditation for December 8th, 2016
Anger Management Retreat
At most anger management retreats, you will find yoga, breathing classes, and a soft musical atmosphere wafting through bamboo Asian inspired fountains.
Here at the Cracked Pot Anger Management Retreat located in Death Valley, Nevada you won’t find any of that shit.
We believe in treating anger with its great equalizer: fear.
You will start at a designated spot where the trucks drop you off. You will have enough gear for seven days – if used wisely. Then you will have to run.
You will run because in one hour several men with guns are going to chase you. They are paid to end your anger in three very distinct ways:
- Death
- Dying
- Making it by the skin of your teeth in seven days and something deep down inside of you will be broken so anger will be replaced with long moments of terrifying silence staring out a rainy window like in an anti-depressant commercial.
It is a highly lucrative treatment. Dead people don’t feel anything at all, murderers throw away their rights to feel anything, and surviving seven days in Death Valley being chased by mercenaries with guns with the sole job of killing will unhook something deep down in a person and will find a place between insanity and eternal sadness.
Anger is a basic hat that fear wears, but only if life is not really on the line. This is getting mad at someone for going to Warp Tour and being a poser. Our treatment will make that a non-issue.
In more traditional anger management treatments, the treatment was using breathing, imagery, calming mantras, and seeing the anger through. It is easy to tell someone to count to 10 and controlling ones breath when anger starts to crop, but once anger takes root, all rational and logical thought is lost to an emotional downward spiral.
With out treatment, if one survives without a murder rap, this will all become instinct to calm oneself because severe emotions do nothing for a person’s survival. Our graduates find that they want nothing to do with unwanted emotional responses because being in a life and death situation has shown the importance of cold calculations demeanor.
So sign up for this summer’s Anger Management Retreat brought to you by Cracked Pot Management. $775,000 will cover the 7 days and equipment, lawyer fees for any murder charges from killing any of the highly trained assassin councilors, and if proven to be not angry enough, medical and morgue fees.