Meditation for April 15th, 2016
Bodies Are Gross
We spend our whole life in a flesh bag full of guts. We try to make that bag look as good as possible with makeup, exercise, fashion, and haircuts, but it is full of blood, pus, sperm, gas, piss, and shit, not to mention guts and other gross blobs. We have warts, pimples, boils, rashes, fucked up moles, and moles on top of boils with coarse curly hair poking out. We wax, laser, shave, and pluck hairs out of noses, ears, between eyebrows, between beard line and eyes, crotch, and toe knuckles. We have a ring of angry, volcano-like pimples forming a topographic map of the Italian Alps on our lower back, and our shirt keeps riding up. We are gross. Bodies are gross.
People spend money turning chicken-liver-textured skin into plastic smoothness, turning cauliflower-looking noses into little ski jumps, and stretching the face. Hence, it no longer looks like a Shar -Pei hanging from a Ferris wheel. The fact is, we keep trying to ignore the fact that we are biological and not a work of art.
No matter how romantic our death may be, we shit and fart after we die. We smell rotten like a cat farting in your mouth. Our stomachs swell with gas, which has to be released. Think of that next time you fantasize about dying in front of your loved ones. They will never forget that smell. It’s worse if you haven’t been found for a few days during the summer, and all of your liquids have oozed out and soaked into the floor.
Even just asleep, we fart, slobber, and drip snot onto our pillows and then turn over and get the snot in our hair. We sweat and stay lying in that pool of sweat. We wake up, and our breath smells like rotten chicken mayonnaise.
We reproduce by dumping sticky fluids into a body fluid-lubricated hole while rubbing sweaty bodies on each other and slobbering into each other’s mouths. This is what we do when we are in love. Sometimes we even go off that script to enjoy each other’s bodies. We spank each other, we cut each other open, we go shit and piss on each other, all in the name of lust or love.
Our bodies are gross. We are animals. We pretend by claiming we were made in God’s likeness or that we are superior with language and opposable thumbs. We still pop zits on each other’s backs and find each other’s hair covering everything. We cover our scent with perfumes and deodorants. We cover our blemishes with foundation and beards. We have to wear clothes to hide our disgusting naked bodies. We have rolls and swollen guts. We have hair everywhere, and if we drink too much coffee, we basically sneeze out of our butts.
Prayer
Narcissus,
I caught my eye in the mirror.
I started checking my different facial expressions.
Let me try different expressions:
Inquisitive.
Surprised you said that – but I actually knew this whole time.
I’m not judging you while listening to you, but I’m judging you.
I am shocked by this; I did this before.
I am, so, so, so very sorry.
I have some words for you, buster.
Hey there, I am very handsome.
I look exactly like Jerry Lewis in his early years.
I look like Jerry Lewis in his later years – fat.
I want to go off on you, but I am humble, so I’m just going to purse my lips.
My hair is parted on this side now.
Now it’s parted in the middle.
I’m all gangster with my hair slicked back.
What? You talkin’ to me?
MOHAWK! OI!
This is my punk snarl.
OK, better wipe and get back to work.
God, I am wiping and wiping and wiping…
Amen.
Craft
To get away from the ugly human look, try wearing clown makeup.
First thing you wanna do is wear a white foundation. This is your face palette, like a canvas.
You want to bring out those eyes. Tear drops, glitter rainbows, drawn on glasses, anything above and below the nose.
Nose should be red and huge.
Red curly wigs are best, but a funny hat is always a great way to go full clown.
Giant pants with suspenders.
Giant shoes. I mean humongous shoes.
A huge bow tie or a squirting flower will give your clown outfit the flair it needs and make it authentic.
Make sure to bring a prop with you, like a horn or a unicycle.
Goal
You are gross.