Meditation for April 15th
Spiritual Gossip
The etymology of the word “gossip ” is derived from Old English, from the words “godmother” or “sponsor”. It literally means God-related. This is the person who shared the news of the whole family. Since the Christians came along, taking the power out of the elder women in the family system, and replacing it with a patriarchal system, gossip is looked upon as a character defect or a sin. Now people think it’s someone in the back or using information against someone, like blackmail. Still, our society is so obsessed with celebrity gossip that the most popular shows are reality shows that create gossip.
Spiritual Gossip is actually good for society and good for you. Gossip knows who might need help or is hurting others. Gossip is about what others are doing; it shows us how we support them. Gossip can bond a group of friends more tightly, and family members even more tightly. Gossip can help us learn valuable lessons by watching others go through things. Gossip can remind us what is right and wrong and keep us in line.
We learn gossip by listening. Active listening is ideal, but eavesdropping can save someone’s life. Watching how the person tells you something may tip you off that more is happening than they are saying. Investigate. Follow this person at a discreet distance and try to solve the mystery. Body language is everything. You may find yourself spending many nights in a tree outside a person’s window before learning what ails that person.
Gossip gives us a common topic to converse about. When Bowie and Lemmy died, this tied people together more than religion could. We need that safe and comfortable conversational piece at the “water cooler”. TV shows and what dumb thing make famous person argument-free for great argument-free chit chat.
Sharing gossip about someone’s misfortune can boost your self-esteem. Hearing that people suck at life is worse than you can help with, when it comes to confidence. At the same time, gossip about someone can make it even harder to try. Hearing about others’ misfortunes makes you can’t even.
The final reason to gossip is to investigate whom to put in next year’s dead pool. If someone had been sober for a while but started drinking again, put a Benjamin in that they kick the bucket by choking on their own tongues next year. Someone keeps getting new electronic devices: smartphones, computers, tablets, vape doo hickies, and smartphones. Put some money down that this person is dying of cancer. Is someone really into running marathons? Get the checkbook out and write a check for someone dying of kidney failure!
Gossip is good for us if used wisely and ethically. If people are talking about you behind your back, it is because people think you are important and special. If no one is talking about you, then you are a worthless piece of shit.
Prayer
The Godz of Idle Talk,
Did you hear what she did?
She went to the club with Simon.
Simon used to date Samantha,
And Samantha is Doris’s Sister,
Only by marriage or some shit like that,
But Simon knows that Doris likes Brett,
And Brett likes Carly,
But Carly went to the club with Simon anyway.
It’s like she wants to hurt him.
Simon was all like up in her business in the dark corner,
I was like ‘Whaaaaaaaaaatttt?’ to Monique,
And he was all like, ‘Dddddaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmnnnn!’
Then Doris came in, and she saw Simon and Carly,
And she immediately texted Brett,
Who was still at work at Abercrombie & Fitch,
But walked out, frosted his hair, and came to the club.
He went right up to Simon and was all like,
‘Come at me, bro.’
And Simon was all like,
‘Dude. Anytime, any place, bro.’
Monique was all like,
‘You be thumpin’ chests over some ho!’
I was all like,
‘Monique! Dudes be trippin’! Let ‘em trip!’
Simon then was all like,
‘Bro, you gonna step?’
And Brett was all like,
‘You don’t know, bro.’
It was something else.
They stood nose to nose for what seemed like ten minutes, saying “bro” back and forth several times, but then Brett started kissing Simon, and Simon started kissing back. Since they had their shirts off already, they started sliding their swollen, oily pecks across each other as they grabbed each other by the frosted tips. They caught fire, and they fell to the ground in a quivering passion never felt by any person. I was that club that night and I felt so alone because, unlike Simon and Brett falling deep in love with each other and fucking on the club dance floor, I was not true to myself and could never tell Monique that I love her more than as a friend and that I would spend the rest of my false, lying life never scissoring the woman I love.
Amen.
Craft
Here is a checklist to see if the gossip is good or bad.
____ It isn’t to compare yourself to others
____You aren’t worried about other people’s opinions
____ It isn’t to belong
____ You aren’t doing if for praise or reassurance
____ You aren’t giving up on the person
____ You’re not doing it to be the center of attention
____ You’re not saying it out of boredom
____ You’re not doing it to not be the only person with a fucked up tail
____ You’re doing it to cover up the murder you committed over the Bernie versus Hillary debates
____ You’re not doing it because you aren’t ticklish from your lack of compassion for the human experience. So cold. So very cold.
____ You’re not doing it because you are dying of a rare untreatable disease you got from a prostitute in the hills of Borneo.
____ You’re not gossiping because of your insatiable taste for human blood.
____ You’re not covering up the fact that you still listen to EDM.
____ It isn’t because you are worried about flowers growing consciences and hatred for bipedal mammals. (You are a bipedal mammal, idiot)
____ You aren’t gossiping because you traded your opiate addiction for it.
Goal
Gossip is involved in being good for all involved. You can help others and yourself. So stop pretending it is such an evil practice. We need gossip to tie up the society we created. The bigger our society is, the more we need gossip to keep up with the rest of our village mates.
Spy on others and you may save a life.