Meditation for March 13th
Daylight Saving Time
It is that time of year again when Americans are setting their clocks one hour forward, except if you are in Arizona, which was also the last state to recognize Martin Luther King Blvd Day. Hawai’i also doesn’t observe DST, but it’s a sovereign nation, so let them. This means more light in our day and the upcoming changes in seasons.
Daylight Saving Time is a very stressful time for us who have the touch. It messes with time, astrology, moon cycles & basic applications of scrying on reality since it has been altered. It also ups your chance of a heart attack by 24%, so it is literally murdering people.
Think about astrology being off by one hour – a fake hour, mind you, but an hour nonetheless. This alters the projection of a star’s energy onto a person’s life, possibly even sending people down the wrong road. Dreams never realized, lovers never meeting, and brash financial decisions are ill-advised. The very placement of all the planets, moon & stars needs to be in their precise positions at the precise time, or the universe becomes pure chaos & we find ourselves without direction.
The very placement of the moon in the night sky helps the shaman roll his bones and see future pasts, but the moon is an hour ahead now, so the shaman withers and dies without true power. Magic operates outside of order, so when we add so much order to our lives, like time, we block ourselves off from that magic. The Force only finds those who are unshackled.
The Tarot Card deck is obsolete between March & November since one of the signs in the symbols is the very stars we read and the moon that affect our dreams. This means Gypsies and Seers must abandon their true paths to take part-time jobs at Marshall’s and Jamba Juice.
Then there is just trying to rest & meditate with a whole missing hour. This hour has been stolen. You will find yourself always one hour away from rest & enlightenment. You will be weakened by this time, thief.
The myth is that DST was made for farmers, but the opposite is true: farmers have to follow the sun, so it’s never the time that matters, but where the sun is. No, DST is for office workers who have so little sun after leaving their dark cubicles. DST is a crumb that keeps the masses from revolting and burning the whole system down to create a better one, and for us to live in perpetual harmony.
Also, it is complete hell for baristas, bakers, and others who have to rise early.
Prayer
Time,
Thank you for going in the right direction,
Instead of taking a sudden left,
And slicing through all of my parallel realities,
And severing my timelines.
Let’s talk time-to-feels ratios.
I need you to feel more slow when I’m enjoying life.
Please hurry up during my working hours.
I need that 8 minutes between snoozes to feel like a week,
And the time between breaks at work is the blink of an eye.
And the time between clocking out of work and the next time I click back in will be like a year.
You can do anything you want, you’re Time!
I need to stop spending long periods of Time not sleeping and thinking about all the mistakes I’ve made, or how I want to watch the first fifteen minutes of the Garfield movie I didn’t see.
I need the bus to get me to work on time, but I feel like I’m sitting down forever.
Starbuck,
This is the most oppressive day in a barista’s life.
It says 5,
but yesterday it was 4.
My hour has been robbed.
I’m more sluggish making non-fat lattes,
I’m barely able to concentrate on this mocha with extra shots.
Did they say cardamom or vanilla?
I think I fell asleep waiting for this bagel to toast.
No amount of going to bed early
Or naps will ever repair the damage done by daylight savings time. I might start to get used to it.
In August.
Amen.
Craft
Here are a few ways to keep your home daylight-saving-time-proof and keep your body’s natural energy from working out, leaving you weak and alone. Always have a VCR on and 12:00 blinking for eternity. Leave a second always on your microwave so the time doesn’t show. Don’t have sunlight let in, so it is hard to tell what time of day it is at all times. Always use different methods to get to work. Never get into a scheduled time to leave for work in the mornings; use different buses and routes, switch to cars, cabs, Uber, Lyft, biking, skating, walking, running, pogo, Razor, Scoot, or Teleport. Don’t ever do anything at the same time two days in a row. Keep the false time confused so that it can’t hurt you.
Goal
Time is only a luxury and the privilege of the privileged. People who are late are privileged and think very little about you, while the rest of us are imprisoned by time.