Meditation for May 15th, 2016
Mow the Lawn
Lawns are as American as apple pie and Indian killing. You can’t have a quaint picture of American living without showing house after house with their green perfectly manicured lawns. The American dream is having the greenest, lushest, and thickest with a perfect length lawn in the front of their house where neighbors look with jealousy.
Lawns are a sign of conformity, uncreatively and environmental neglect. People feel like they have to have a lawn or the Red-White-and-Blue-Gestapo will come and take them way. Lawns are saying you had no other idea for what you want to do with a plot of land, so you grow grass.
According to most anthropological and historical texts, lawns became popular by French Queen Joanna of Bourbon who had a strange fetish of being a milk maid, but despised the sight and smell of milk cows, so she had large fields of grass put in and she would prance around the lawns signing and pretending to be off to milk the cows. Lawns were invented by a mad woman.
Lawns became popular in America after World War II and the advertising effects of Scotts Miracle-Gro Company saying that lawns were a great stress-relieving hobby. A whole industry boomed after millions of Americans began growing lawns in their front and back yards.
Like golf courses, lawns are environmentally devastating. Not just the use of herbicides and pesticides, but gas used in lawn mowers and edgers along with billions of gallons of water to keep the lawns looking green. The grasses used in lawns aren’t even American native plants but from Europe and the Middle East. Kentucky Bluegrass is from the Middle East – you know, where terrorists come from.
Lawns are unsightly. They present a boring man’s paradise who has no imagination or creative vision. Just dumping wildflower seeds all over is cleverer than a lawn. The only thing that can out dull a lawn is to accent the lawn with shrubs.
Prayer
Veles,
Stop the boring.
Your cattle aren’t allowed a taste of the forbidden lawns of man.
The Suburban Tribes keep large plots of grazing grounds,
But they keep no cattle, sheep or pig.
Sometimes they keep dogs and cats,
But these animals hunt,
Not graze.
Give these lawns your cattle.
Let your sheep taste the emerald blades.
Find a home for the buffalo on the front property of a suburban home,
Grazing in a herd,
Like it used to look in the Great Plains.
Send your moles to make the flat green prairies into a brown pile mountain range.
Let the moles push the unnecessary grass and churn it into soil.
I see no point in so much grass that no mouth will graze.
Send in the cud-eating mammals, Veles, and show the humans how worthless their lawns are.
Amen.
Craft
Capture a mole or more and release them into the best lawn you see.
Guerilla garden. In the middle of the night, tear up the lawn and grow plants that will grow in that environment.
Instead of a lawn, use a ground cover like St. John’s Wart or Forget-Me-Nots.
Instead of a lawn, grow a bunch of flowers and attractive plants so when people walk by they can enjoy your yard.
Give the owners of a large lawn some goats.
If the owner is in earshot, let the owner know that he or she has some nice Middle Eastern grass there.
Aphids.
Goal
Lawns are ugly. Let’s not grow any more lawns. Change or you’ll keep rollin’ a lawn.
Dave you missed out on a big one here in Oregon. We grow most of the worlds lawn seed. One of the few things that grows well in the willamette Vally’s clay damp soil.