On January 11th, 2016, I started a daily practice of writing a joke meditation of the day called Cracked Pot Meditations. I was still recovering from the treatment of cancer, and I was having very challenging cognitive issues, so I chose just to put something simple and easy to write every day. Posting it to the blog allowed me to have some accountability. Some of those meditations were poorly written and unedited. I have gone back and begun editing these and adding an illustration, starting with the April 27th meditation. I hope you enjoy.
Meditation for May 7th
The Dalai Llama is an Asshole
The Dalai Lama is the spiritual leader of the Tibetan people. He lives in exile in Northern India, trying to garner political support to make Tibet completely autonomous from China. He won the Nobel Peace Prize in 1989 by being a talker instead of a doer in his efforts to liberate Tibet. He has received many awards from heads of states all over the world. His likeness and quotes have been ejaculated all over the Internet and social media.
The Dalai Lama is an asshole. He receives millions of dollars in support but holds an exiled government in India with no actual ruling over actual Tibetans. Even the CIA has given this jerk money to undermine the Chinese because we love anyone who isn’t a communist. He has a palace in the Dharmsala province of India where he lives lavishly.
His claim that Tibet is a peaceful nation that was just a victim of the communist war machine is bullshit. Before the Chinese entered back into Tibet in 1950, Tibet still practiced slavery and serfdom under their version of Buddhism. The Tibetans are a proud Buddhist warrior state and have entered China and Bhutan several times to rape and pillage. China just had enough and took care of the problem by invading and allowing partial autonomy.
In 2008, the Dalai Lama supported and encouraged Tibetans to attack and kill the Han and Hui ethnic groups residing in the Tibetan Autonomous Region. Tibetans in other parts of the world attacked Chinese embassies and consulates. The Buddhists even attacked and burned down a mosque.
The Dalai Lama is a clown who gets vast amounts of money by just being who he is, giving lectures, and selling books. He has created this idea that Buddhism is a peaceful and compassionate religion when in reality, it is one of the most violent ones on earth. Like Christianity and Islam, Buddhism supports sexism, homophobia, and encourages slavery and classism.
Namaste, fool.
Prayer
Gautama Buddha,
Since you are so awaken,
Tell me this:
Why do your white followers sound like zombies?
They walk around with their eyes rolled up into their heads,
Wearing flowy fabrics and linens.
Ignoring everything wrong in the world by floating on top of it all.
They only see the good in what they believe.
Even a Catholic knows how fucked up Catholicism is.
They drive Subarus and Toyota Prius-eye with Free Tibet on the back,
And most of their car was manufactured in China.
They talk into their iPhones, which were made by poor labor in China.
The Tibetan prayer flags are just a sign that the people living there are “cool”.
These privileged people with their yoga mats and meditation practices
Don’t know suffering.
Most religions show suffering,
But Buddhism hides it behind a smiling blissed out dude.
Women flock to a religion that says women can’t be enlightened.
It’s the same as all the other religions.
Just because you have a fountain in a stand of bamboo,
Doesn’t mean you get to be ignorant of the world around you.
Gautama Buddha,
Did you mean for Buddhism to be so selfish?
Craft
Create a Buddhist altar.
First, you will need a small wooden bookshelf, end table, or wooden box.
Next, you will need a Buddha. A carving works the best, but a picture works too.
Then pick out some teachers like the laughing Buddha, who died of gluttony. Decorate your altar with red fabric, bells, a stupa, small bowls to hold water, and candle holders.
Every morning, change the water and light incense.
Recite Buddhist prayers and chants.
Never worry about problems again.
Goal
Sometimes the biggest assholes in the world can say awesome things to post on the Internet.
The Dalai Lama is a real fucking asshole.