On January 11, 2016, I began a daily practice of writing a joke meditation of the day, called Cracked Pot Meditations. I was still recovering from the treatment of cancer, and I was having very challenging cognitive issues, so I chose just to put something simple and easy to write every day. Posting it to the blog allowed me to hold myself accountable. Some of those meditations were poorly written and unedited. I have gone back and begun editing these and adding an illustration, starting with the April 27th meditation. I hope you enjoy.
Meditation for August 27th
The Meninist Sacrifice
Men. Men have been around for nearly as long as women. They have penises. And now they are dealing with the greatest threat to their existence: reverse sexism.
Just kidding, there’s no such thing.
Men have just gotten to the point where their 10,000-year-old shenanigans aren’t cute anymore. They are now in a world that can literally (and I mean scientifically) live without them. Men are obsolete. Women can actually form an Amazonian society and can artificially create sperm to fertilize their eggs.
Men are not taking it well. They have started movements like the Meninist movement to battle what they think is their “rightful” place in society. They don’t want to be obsolete. They shame women, try to point out hypocrisies, and downright hate women.
How can a man want so badly to feel the touch of a woman, hate women so much?
Inferiority.
This is the terrible, sexist, and misogynistic way men are dealing with losing their reason to exist:
The Arbiter of Moral Fortitude
These are the men who are shocked by women’s behavior that may seem sexualized or seeking attention. Never mind that this is the world that was created by men for men, but they slut shame these women like they are the very voice of cultural ethics.
They wish that the women would actually be as sexualized as they look. Pornography makes women act like men in women’s bodies, so, shockingly, women don’t feel exactly that.
By reminding women who is responsible for the moral code, this will help ensure men’s survival.
Let everybody do what they want to do and stop thinking that anything is wrong, except for those things that are set down by law, and even some of those…
The Perfect Man – If Women Would Change
Single? It can’t be your fault. It must be all the women’s fault. They want a different guy. You’re probably a nice guy, and women only want to date assholes or other women. You blame them for being too slutty and then you blame them for being too prudish. Make up your mind, man! Maybe you’re too slutty. You’re running around trying to get laid all the time.
Hopefully, by blaming women for most of society’s ills, this will help make the case that men should stick around and manage society more. Men make great managers, leaders, negotiators, and orators, right?
It is your fault. It could be things you can’t help, such as your appearance, personality, or identity, or whatever doesn’t seem like a good fit. Maybe it is things you can change, but pride isn’t letting you be willing to make those changes.
The Oppressed
Now, the women aren’t the cause of all your problems; they are literally out to get you. They are playing games with you, or they are radical feminists. Even some of the other guys are acting weird around the things you say and post. You call them white knights. They are pussies or beta males for standing up for women. Women must have them wrapped around their fingers to get you.
This furthers you away from doing anything about yourself if you think you are oppressed and being persecuted.
This is the stage where a man thinks there is such a thing as reverse sexism. This is where a man will fight to keep his place in the world. Changing the way we treat women can’t be the solution; women need to continue putting up with our bullshit. Change is scary, and sometimes that fear of change is mistaken for oppression.
The OK Man
A man can either be so self-hateful that they cringe and ignore any compliments. It’s too much. Self-pity has taken root strongly. A man is broken if they can’t be complimented. Then there is the man who is desperate for compliments. They need to be heard and seen so that people will share something positive with them. Nothing means everyone hates them. They need to be treated extra special to feel normal.
Being a man who won’t take compliments shows women how much we need an unemotional man to keep things in reality.
Begging for positive attention is our cry that we are human, too. We can be sensitive too. Did you hear what I said, did you see what I did, did you read what I wrote?
The Armor Weaknesses
A man criticized, even if it’s constructive, is a sad sight. They are like a meth crazed, steroid-jacked, wounded badger backed into a corner. They viciously lash out, feeling that the whole world is closing in on them. They even acknowledge that they may have this weakness, but do they dare point it out? The gall. There will be misdirection, facts and statistics taken out of context, personal anecdotes from himself and his friends; he will post about it on Facebook.
Criticism is one-sided, I’m afraid, and a man is a giver, not a taker, in this department.
Boring People
The hate that spews out of these men makes them boring. They probably like going to the gym or playing pool. They may even dabble in gambling. All boring activities. They aren’t interested in anything that helps others or expanding the mind. If it’s popular at the moment, they will try to do it, but they don’t do much. Part of their self-hatred stems from their lack of an exciting character and a unique personality. Trolls are the extreme of this. They use malicious bullying to bury their human inadequacies. They lack personality, so they hug identities.
Posting a lot of memes is a desperate sign of a boring person.
This is the biggest fear of a misogynist: being found out and being caught being boring. That’s all he is capable of doing to avoid being boring: being a malicious troll.
Taking Out The Competition
Other men. They also have penises. They have different faces and personalities. Some women seem to like that combination. Take that man out! Belittle their interests, their livelihoods, their character! Maybe others will see your logic – your deranged, jealous logic. He belittles men who are perceived as white knights or beta males, rather than true alpha males. He bemoans a time when men were men and boys were boys, but now men knit and wear blouses.
Hating some men is ok as long as it’s those men over there.
Prayer
Lillith,
You were Adam’s first wife,
But you dumped him,
Because he didn’t want to be a bottom,
So you left him,
And he made the world the way it is now,
A Patriarchy.
So all of civilization,
Has been built on the back of a dumped dude,
Who begged God for a subservient wife,
Who was made out of a rib,
Instead, as an equal.
So women were murdered, raped, tortured, and treated poorly,
All because the original guy was dumped.
Lillith,
Please come out of the sea,
And take Adam back.
So we can humbly return to equality.
But I get it if you don’t.
Amen
Craft
Here are some rituals to reclaim manhood:
Group nudity: Stand around your guy friends naked.
Primal screaming: Yell at the top of your lungs at the moon.
Spawning: lie in a stream and flop over the rocks and up the cold creek.
Take back your spear: Standing naked in front of a woman, she will hand you a spear, and you will then hold it, point up while she tells you how cute you look with your little spear.
Get lost: Get lost and then ask for directions.
Read a book: Seriously, dude, don’t get all your “knowledge” from podcasts and YouTube. Read a fucking book.
Goal
The world owes you nothing for being a man. Stop expecting special treatment just because you’re mediocre.