Meditation for November 16th, 2016
Undead Immortality
Immortality has been the fantasy and envy of every mortal with a conscience. The cheating of death is a feat that scientist and religious zealot alike strive for. Most religions themselves offer eternal life or another life as a reward for being a goody goody gumdrop.
The fact is, you don’t have to act like a little angel, immortality is achievable with a little know how and dedication – and maybe a little sacrifice.
You can become a lich.
A lich is an undead immortal. While zombies are voodoo hex slaves and the walking dead are from a military made virus, the lich is in control of its own intellect and will power. The body might give way to decay, but the mind remains in tact – forever.
First, a person must find a phylactery to encase their soul. A phylactery can be any charm, talisman, or sacred item that itself is embued with magical properties.
Then one must remove the soul from oneself and put the soul into the phylactery.
How does one remove one’s soul?
- Acknowledge that your soul is the very nature of your mortal imprisonment. This is also acknowledging that God has made a huge mistake in creating souls being stored in our own bodies instesad of in a familiar like the dæmons in the Golden Compass books.
- Confess and repent. Let God know that with your soul you were unable to live a godly life, so therefore you need to live soul-free and forever and that will be your act repenting.
- Forgive God for being a fucking idiot and binding your soul into your body. With God’s forgiven you can finally separate your mortal imperfections with your immortal perfections. YOU WILL BE PERFECT!
- Break and remove. This is when your soul should elevate from you and you must chase it around your home like a cat chasing a bat and catch it with your chosen phylactery.
After you become a lich you will need a tower to do your spellcasting and world domination planning. America isn’t so rich with castles, so unless you are able to take Disneyland, you will want a church or a very tall house.
Your only vulnerabilities will be that if your phylactery is destroyed, you die. Stay away from large hordes of treasure so that adventurers don’t go meddling in your plans. Usually other liches will leave you alone; it is the dumb barbarians that usually knock phylacteries over.
Immortality is a very long time. Things that annoy you about human nature become increased because human nature never changes. You will watch these idiots make the same mistakes over and over again.
Don’t help. Don’t use your extensive age experiences to guide a generation of people in an actual progressive way. As a lich, your job is to fuck shit up.