On January 11th, 2016, I started a daily practice of writing a joke meditation of the day called Cracked Pot Meditations. I was still recovering from the treatment of cancer, and I was having very challenging cognitive issues, so I chose just to put something simple and easy to write every day. Posting it to the blog allowed me to have some accountability. Some of those meditations were poorly written and unedited. I have gone back and begun editing these and adding an illustration, starting with the April 27th meditation. I hope you enjoy.
Meditation for July 31st
What To Listen To When You Meditate
You don’t have to meditate in silence like people in poor countries do; you can have a soundtrack to your spiritual journey. Some music works a lot better than other music when it comes to helping you go under the material plane surface and swim with dolphins into the 4th dimension.
Brass & Woodwind Instruments
The trumpet is the real instrument of the celestial, not the harp, so listening to it can bring you to the doorstep of God Herself. The clarinet and the oboe can bring a meditator to the doorstep of the dead with their sad cries and mournful songs. The saxophone can help one achieve energy to participate in some intense tantric sex.
The horns and the reeds are the best meditation music to listen to, for they do hit the tones of shamanic vibrations.
Just a note on Jazz: when we sit down to contemplate the meaning of life and our connection to the divine, we want to speak celestial, which is a language we can’t comprehend, but the closest that comes to their speech is free jazz. You can’t know what the following note is like in a lot of pop and rock songs, the music of mere mortals, but every note sends you into fits of ecstasy, pain, love, anger, joy, and grief in a matter of a few bars. If you have to say it with lyrics, then you didn’t need to say it with music.
Piano & Organ
The keys are really important when meditating on anything that requires your attention. If you are facing indecision or the possibility of a significant and momentous change in your life, the piano can pour into your soul and help you focus on the one true direction your spirit wants to go.
Piano & organs by themselves are absolutely chakra-shattering in a good way, but piano & organ forming a backbone of other instruments are a meditator’s friend.
The Strings
Violins, violas, cellos, harps, and basses are the very vibration of the earth and therefore our heart chakra. These melodies of mountain passes and forest rainstorms help us break away from the mundane reality and swim into the heavens and be at God’s feet.
Johann Sebastian Bach is the closest to writing like God used him as an instrument to talk to humans. Much more wonderful than a burning bush, Bach speaks in celestial cries for us to look up instead of down at our feet. Other composers who speak to the heavens are Brahms, Mahler, Mozart, Schubert, and many more. Be careful of composers who use too many repetitive motifs, like Philip Glass, for they hide pop music in the form of orchestrated music, so you will find yourself lulling yourself to sleep with the repetition and not actually meditating.
A whole symphony is always a great way to “time” your meditation.
Bells
The ringing of bells not only keeps evil spirits away, but they also help good spirits to come to your aid. A simple repeating bong of a bell can help a meditator to realize his or her true god-self.
Now, these are the sounds to stay away from:
Guitars
Guitars are the tools of evil spirits. They are also a lazy musical instrument, so one can never truly lift off from the materialistic plane listening to a mediocre instrument.
Drums
Drums are the sound of our animalistic side – the side that is not near the heavens, but near the earth and therefore away from the Gods. Drums are distracting, unnecessary, and too uncivilized. We have heartbeats. Drums are primitive and can’t really speak to the gods like the hippies in a drum circle may believe. You are pounding noise that is driving gods and spirits away.
Voices
Some say that when both Adam and Eve ate from the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge, they began to have voices and a language. This is not spiritual. The voice is a sign that you are in self-will and not God’s will. If you are talking, you aren’t spiritual. While this is about the music of meditations, the voice when speaking is a form of music, and talking is a primitive kind of music. While we think we are talking about our problems, it is an excellent therapeutic practice; it spirals into what pop music is: repetitive. Not only will you make the same mistake again, but you will continue to talk about it as if it is important. It’s not.
Silence
You are just going to sit there inside your shitty head? Don’t. This is inviting the portals from hell to open up and devour your soul, except you are your own hell. Silence is the sound of yourself, and you, my friend, aren’t ready for that. While retreats and monasteries boast their silent meditations all over the world and across cultures, you can’t do it. You were born in the noise, and just leaving the plane of noise will bring you to a hellish horror you can’t comprehend, and insanity will swallow you whole like a mental illness whale. Think about the last time you were sitting silently without another sense’s distraction, could you stand it? Were you suddenly fumbling for your phone? Your remote? Crying out to someone else in the house? You can’t do it. You aren’t equipped to handle the universe’s whole symphony of silence that will remind you of your insignificance and the blink of an eye that is your existence. Here one day, gone the next, and will disappear from the universe’s memory quicker than you lived. Listen to some music.